I can only speak from my own experiences and from those that I have been able to helped in the past.
I just don’t agree with the idea that our human equation, meaning “mind, body, spirit”, capable of trillions of calculations per second and of overcoming the most challenging conditions throughout our history, DEPENDS more on man made DRUGS when dealing with “depression”, than in it’s own capability.
I also want to say that if you believe differently, it is NOT my intention to debate or put you down for your opinions and experiences. As I said already, I only speak my truth.
For many, many years I experienced symptoms that any doctor could had easily diagnose as being depressed, or who knows what else? And although my life changed dramatically since I became sober over 25 years ago, I stilled have thoughts, feelings and ideas that you can easily find in mental health’s literature and books.
But I NEVER allow any of these things DEFINE ME, or DETERMINE what I can overcome!!!
Like anything else, I knew somehow I would find the way to free myself from such things. And taking any drug just didn’t FEEL like the most empowering thing for me to do! If animals can naturally undergo greater changes, why can we?
One other thing. Kalyani and I have always managed to go after our dreams and overcoming challenges it’s just part of it. Sometimes you take risks and sometimes you make bad decisions. That brings out a BUNCH of issues, but we know that energy flows where attention goes. So we go with the flow and we don’t dwell on negativity!
So it wasn’t that I was hating life, but I knew that settling for what I had, which by many other’s standards was a very successful life, or accepting what others said “was normal’, could not be what I was meant to do in this life time.
Call me ambitious, determined or positively compulsive, if there is such a thing. For me it was not about what anybody else thought. It was a feeling from withIN that I couldn’t ignore.
I also want to mention that having Kalyani in my life, through the whole thing, can easily be the determined factor. Not because she made me do anything, but because her and the kid’s love make everything I do seem so little in comparison to how I feel!!!
Now that I said that, lets take it one at a time...
#1- I learned and consequently went about Life BELIEVING that to be always thinking was normal. I finally realized, “IS NOT NORMAL, IN FACT, IT’S LIMITING AND SELF DESTRUCTIVE.”
This is not something my parents told me to do, or that I learned in any school. As far as I knew, thinking was what everyone did and it became my way of life. In many cases, my way of surviving. As the time went on I became more and more addicted to thinking for numerous reasons. The main one was to continue using certain mental faculties to achieve my goals.
I studied great thinkers and I look up to many of them. Only to realized eventually, that they were not tapping into their own individual minds when accessing great insights. They were detaching from their minds to enter into a infinite realm with unlimited potential. Every great discovery have always come from that realm, the mind of God, or if you are not comfortable with that word, has come from the Source of Creation. NOT from anyone’s individual mind.
To always be thinking is closing the doorway to my Infinite Creativity. For me to do that is a guarantee recipe for “DEPRESSION A LA CARTE”.
Using my individual mind to experience this world is one thing, but use it to recognize and celebrate the grandiosity within who I am and the nature, is NOT POSSIBLE. And therefore it knocks everything out of alignment. No wonder it created so much confusion, suffering and just insane chaos in all aspects of my life!!!
#2- Since I was always thinking, I had very little opportunities to feel and recognize, that I AM not my individual mind. It took a while, but I realized, “I HAVE THE RIGHT AND ABILITY TO BECOME CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF MY ONENESS WITH THE PRESENCE WITHIN ALL LIFE (CONSCIOUSNESS).
Again, how can you set yourself free from the mind, if the “jail keeper” is the one thinking? Any time I FELT strong emotions like DEEP LOVE when I met Kalyani, or the JOY I felt when I heard our kids heartbeats for the first time. I automatically ASSUME there was only one me and that me meant my individual mind.
Even later after many years of meditation and all the other things that have become part of my lifestyle, when ever I FELT something STRONGER from withIN, my mind will immediately send me on a “wild goose chase”. Invalidation, doubts, questioning, and many other ways of making it be about what I thought, and never about who I AM!
Do you know how many times I lay down in bed THINKING, trying to figure out what the hell was going on with me? How can someone who at time can be so full of life and love, then feel so lost and powerless?
#3- What I thought it was my feelings, they were actually pre-programmed information attached to identities within my individual mind. Thank God I realized, “MY REAL EMOTIONS COME FROM WITHIN”.
This was a very tricky one for me. It took me on a roller coaster for a very long time. Let’s first start with what it is probably men’s greatest handicap… “men are not supposed to feel or show emotions”. Then, once I overcame that self destructive’s lie, I had to go through the journey of recognizing the difference between something my mind made up, and what I felt deep within.
This was not easy, because the mind has most people believing this bullshit. And I used the word bullshit intentionally because I want to get your full attention. As you are reading this, notice how your mind reacts to what I just said…
The moment you read what I said about your feelings, the mind takes you on a ride that probably sound something like this, “What is he talking about. He doesn’t know how I feel. My feelings are my feelings, and how dare for Darsana to invalidate how I feel”. And so on and so on…
You see, it’s all pre-programmed reactions and responses within your individual mind! Everyone who reads this will have a TOTALLY DIFFERENT AND UNIQUE EXPERIENCE.
That means is not what I said that provoke you to FEEL a certain way.
One person could read it and THINK that it feels disappointed based on past associations with invalidation and another one can read it and think that it feels inspired, based on past associations with people who say it like it is!!!!
Either way, you will remained stuck defending the same “MIND” that it is keeping you away from FEELING CONNECTED TO YOUR LIFE SOURCE. BINGO!!!
#4- I don’t create with my mind/thoughts as they have told me, I realized, “MY EMOTIONS HAVE THE POWER!!!!!
Since I became sober in 1989 I got involved in the Self Development field. I even went back to college and got a “Certificate’ in Counseling. For a very long time I read, and heard so many people, telling me that we create with our thoughts. So I gave a great deal of my ATTENTION to my thoughts. “Change your thoughts, change your life” and so on and so on. Here is the thing. Thoughts without EMOTIONS, there are just thoughts and they have very little power. At least in my experience.
And MOST IMPORTANTLY, your way out of this “mind self identification state’ is through your connection to the JOY from withIN. Only the real YOU can do that. Not your mind!!!
The real key to raising your level of awareness about who you truly are, and consequently free yourself from IDENTIFICATION with your individual mind, comes from VALIDATING AND CELEBRATING your True Self (Conscious Awareness). And where do you find that connection, that emotion, that presence? WITH IN. But is a feeling, not a thought!!!
Now I get what some great teachers were trying to tell us, “The kingdom is with in.” Or “Peace comes from within”
True EMOTIONS, which means, “energy in motion”, are REAL . The trick is that is not something your learn, see or for that matter grasp completely. It is beyond the mind. It exist in the Conscious Awareness ONLY, and you can access it anytime and all the time.
The longer you realize and embody this truth, the more power you withdraw from your mind state into your Conscious Awareness.(Consciousness)
Gradually I have developed an ability to OBSERVE my mind and all the pre-programed tricks that used to work on me before, now they don’t have that power. I called this “FALSE IDENTITIES”. When I am consciously aware of them, they don’t have any power because I am NOT compulsively driven by a set of pre-programed instructions within my mind… they are just roles that I play as my way of celebrating the gift of Life.
It doesn’t mean I don’t have any more challenges or adversities in my life. It means they no longer determine my well being. The longer I continue bringing attention to Conscious Awaareness, the more aware I become. So far, it just keep getting better. It doesn’t seem to reach a plateau.!!!
#5 I believe I was the victim of life challenges and conditions. I am so grateful to have realized, “I AM AN EMBODIMENT OF UNLIMITED ENERGY FOR EVER SEEKING TO BECOME MORE OF MYSELF.”
I want to finish with this Self Realization because it was very important for me, and I will like to suggest you give a tremendous amount of attention to what I am about to tell you. First of all, my individual mind was not the challenge or the cause of “depressive thoughts”. Me believing that I was my mind and therefore giving full control of my entire life to it, was the cause of ALL my suffering.Thats the challenge I had to overcome.
But so far, I have to be grateful to HOW I GOT HERE because it was the way that lead me to realized my connection to Oneness!!
I am not suggesting that is the ONLY WAY, it was my way. Thats what a, “Self Realization” means and required. No one could have done it for me, the same way I don’t expect to do it for you. You need, like I did, take on what ever that journey looks like for you now.
Of course I wish that you will take this information to heart, and to what ever level you understand it, use it to take you to the next level. Not by over analyzing it, because that’s exactly what I am NOT suggesting.
But by taking the essence out of it and give birth to YOUR OWN VERSION!!!!
It is from the day to day, moment to moment journey that I have been able to continued regaining enough Conscious Awareness to become more aware of my Oneness with Life Itself.
I now want to share with you a small part of one of my favorite books, ” The Alchemist.“
Alchemist, “If a person is living out of destiny, he knows everything he needs to know. There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve, the fear of failure”.
Boy, “I am not afraid of failing. It’s just that I don’t know how to turn myself into the wind.”
Alchemist , “Well, you have to learn; your life depends on it.”
At the end of the day, the boy went looking for the alchemist, who had taken his falcon out into the desert…
Boy, “I still have no idea how to turn myself into the wind.”
Alchemist, “Remember what I told you: the world is only the visible aspect of God. And that what alchemy does is to bring spiritual perfection into contact with the material plane.”
Boy, “What are you doing?”
Alchemist, “Feeding my falcon.”
Boy, “If I am not able to turn myself into wind, we are going to die. Why feed your falcon?”
Alchemist, “You are the one who may die, I already know how to turned myself into wind”.
(LOL) Every time I read this book again, I always enjoy when he says that!!!! The truth is, I already know how to turn myself into wind, meaning I liberated myself from all that crazy, depressive’s stuff!, “mind identification state” But although you have to do it for yourself, you don’t have do it all alone! I am here to help you, if you desire my services. If not, I want to say, “Don’t give up, the doorway is within”.
Unleash your potential,